Liverpool solicitor company Argue & Phibbs have closed their doors after 89 years of practice due to one of the main partners being discovered in a local ‘harlot house’. Charles Browne has worked for the company for the past 23 years and in that time has made himself quite a reputation in the courtroom.
The Police and Fire Brigade were called to the Scotland Road area late on Friday night after receiving a telecommunication from the home owner claiming that a gentleman had got stuck in a contraption and needed to be freed. Later in a statement, Hans Kouffe, the Chief of Police for Liverpool city said “We were called to (the location) at approximately 11.15pm. We discovered the gentleman encased in what appeared to be a brass casket. Time was of the essence to get the casket open as a pressure gauge indicated that the steam spouting out of the rivets was due to the machine on the brink of exploding. We also didn’t want to have to keep looking at his unmentionables which were poking through a hole in the box as it was making a couple of the lads feel awkward.”
Liverpool Police Force confirmed they had never seen anything like it before in all their days and hoped that they never would again. “When we got him out he was red as a telephone box,” added Mr Kouffe. “Upon searching the room, constables discovered the remains of several woodland creatures, a basket of humourously shaped vegetables and a chamber pot full of sick.” Kouffe confirmed that the vegetables had been disposed of.
Since the occurrence, Mr Browne has gone to ground and it’s thought he has fled the city. Argue & Phibbs refused to comment before they folded business, but did confirm that a partner in the company had recently left employment.
The owner of the house, Madam Buxom, said “My establishment is all perfectly legal and the gentleman in question was simply enjoying a new bath that only uses the wonder of steam. Anyway I told the gentleman in question not to be in too long and that I’d remind him to end his session, but the gentleman in question said he knew what he liked, so I left him to it, you see.”
A spokesperson for the British Tea Company said “When it comes to this kind of activity, as British folk, we’d all rather be drinking tea so we found it quite disappointing to discover that a prominent member of society was indulging in such steam powered farcical events. We intend to discuss with Liverpool city council ways of getting the residents to drink more tea and not get involved in gratifying the carnal side of human nature.”
Further investigation revealed that a relative of Madam Buxom is currently defending themselves in court against Mr Browne, though it’s not suggested whether this is a coincidence.