Chancellor Geldberg Spending Review 1901

18336_finalIn a statement today, Count Geldberg outlined how certain essential services would be protected while others would see an increase in investment thanks in part to the expanding Empire and the wealth that it’s bringing back to the homeland.

Count Geldberg also announced that of the £326 million budget for the financial year, a new total of £193 million will be reallocated to Central Government for the country and services abroad while the remaining £133 million will remain with Local Government.

The lion’s share of the new total will be going to the Ministry of Defence for strategic R&D, advanced weapons research and an increase in foot soldiers in order to maintain our domination across the world.

In order to ensure the survival of the Empire, we will invest in our proud military once more. The colonised world are already benefiting from our presence in their lands and will continue to do so as we send more troops out there with better weapons and advanced technology,” Geldberg said.

The Defence Budget will be increased to £123 million from £73 million in the previous year. This confirms our promise to keep Britain at the forefront of exploration and domination,” he added.

With 38 percent of the budget going to defence, that leaves 62 percent to go to other areas. The funds will be split between Central and Local governments and The Journal has documented those areas and their corresponding amounts below:

Department/Area Central Government (£millions)
Local Government (£millions)
Total (£millions)
Diesel Technology 0 0 0
Health Care 0 6.3 6.3
Education 12.5 14.4 26.9
Defence 123.1 0 123.1
Supernatural defence 0 11.4 11.4
Protection 4.2 6.2 10.4
Airship Transport 20 6.7 26.7
Octopus Research 4.8 0 4.8
Tea 13.5 48.5 62
Cake 19.8 20.3 40.1
Balance 15.4 -0.8 14.6
Total 193.3 133.2 326.5

As well as the increase in defence spending, Octopus Research has been moved entirely to Central Government after the embarrassing incident involving the Manchester Cephalopod Coglective, a baby squid and a blue crayon.

Count Geldberg concluded his statement by defining “Protection” when Defence was already getting a large share of the funds: “Protection funds for the local offices will pay for the Police force in that area. The amount going to Central Government is for researching new advances in Policing and security. Why at this very moment we’re looking into ways to give sentience to our new range of Automated Policing Units which will mean an extra tea break for our regular bobbies.”

The speech ended to polite applause and series of thank yous from the attending Police.

The British Tea Company released a statement shortly after which read:

We are pleased by the Government’s decision to ensure the safety of Tea. Tea is the backbone of Britain and the only way we can win the war in South Africa is by the bravery of our soldiers, new weapons, investment in supply infrastructure and the delivery of a lovely cup of tea.

The British Tea Company would also like to announce an increase in our donation to the development of the new automated Police officers to ensure our hard working bobbies get that extra tea break. Automated Robotic Sentient Entities will revolutionise the country’s policing system and bring law and order to the streets of Britain.

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