Labour leader calls for more for workers

Labour Leader Oliver Twist
Labour Leader Oliver Twist

The Labour party could ban companies from paying shareholders dividends unless they pay their staff the Living Wage, it has been confirmed today. The leader of the opposition party has spoken out about the lack of reasonable pay for workers in the industrial sector. In a statement made today, Labour leader Oliver Twist said “Currently the economy relies on the sweat and toil of the factory floor worker. The Empire is growing because blue collar workers are giving their all while the Lords at the top rake in all the profit.”

He said that too much profit from economic growth is going to the top of society and that workers could be given more.

This statement headlines a new strategy for Labour who are working alongside the Karl Marx Collective think tank to implement new rules that will see workers paid fairly and not allowed to start work until they are 12 years old. Already retaliatory statements are being made by successful businesses that rely on the dedication and naivety of the child labour work force and could cause additional problems for the Conservative’s plans for the Northern Powerhouse factory where the demolition of Leeds has already begun.

“I’ve already approached some of society’s most influential business leaders and asked for more,” said Mr Twist “they simply laughed me off so now I’m taking a harder stance.”

Business lobbyist CBI said that politicians shouldn’t be interfering with businesses, but Mr Twist’s motivation may stem from his past. He’s already had his fair share of misery at the hands of top society. As a child he was orphaned and worked in a workhouse. Eventually he left for London where he found a job with a local entrepreneur. When his employer was found to be embezzling money, he got a job at his local council and worked his way up into government. All the way he took his closest friends and allies with him. Now leader of the Labour party, his shadow cabinet consists of childhood friends such as Shadow Chancellor Jack Dawkins, Minister for Social Justice William Sikes and Minister for Education Charley Bates.

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