While talks for Britain remaining in the Global Union continue, the Prime Minister has suggested that we could be the first country to completely leave the planet Earth and become an orbiting platform, it’s been revealed.
The British Prime Minister Lady Florence Riddington has confirmed that should the Global Union (GU) not amend their current directives to allow more freedom of trade, tourism and occupation by the Empire, then we may be forced to tear the very country from the crust of the planet and send it into orbit. At a press conference in Whitehall, Lady Riddington said “The rules from these gluttonous cretins beggars belief. If they think they can invade Britain with their metric distance system and straight bananas, they clearly don’t know who the British are.”
It’s thought that if the GU don’t agree to our terms, the Prime Minister will hold an open referendum for the people of the country to vote on whether or not we wish to be separated from the planet all together. Although it will be restricted to the people who are allowed to vote which means an exclusion of residents who are not originally from Britain, visitors to the country, the homeless, infirm and hysterical, lower class, children or women.
Speaking at the conference, a team of scientists led by Lady Emilia Von Poppetart (who recently established the London Underground teleportation device) confirmed that leaving the Earth’s gravitational pull would be the trickiest part, although technological advances in gravitational repulsor lifts have come on in leaps and bounds these past years. “We have discovered that we can use high pressure blasts of steam to elevate items from the ground and break the Earth’s magnetic pull. So far experimentation has successfully lifted an empty matchbox. We’re hoping a scaled up version will allow us to completely wrench the country from the Earth’s crust and elevate it through the atmosphere and take us to roughly the same distance as the Moon. This will ensure that we don’t fall screaming to our deaths.”
It’s thought that if the project goes ahead that it could make Britain even colder as the country won’t be protected by thermal layers of gas that surround our beloved planet. However, in a supportive telegram, the Scottish Liberal Party are ready to join the rest of Britain in the cold depths of space while pointing out that they probably won’t notice much of a difference in Scottish climate.
The referendum vote has been planned for 23rd July 1889.