Imperialists build multi-dimensional rift to go back to unified Commonwealth after Crexit

After the recent referendum by the Commonwealth on whether to remain as part of a united Empire failed, Great Britain faces the dark abyss of breaking up from it’s former glorious union and being back alone as a small, desolate island. However, many of us who are sympathetic to remaining as part of a union wish to still live in that world, some of whom are the brightest minds in Britain today.

One such mind is that of Lady Emilia Von Poppetart who was the lead developer of the Underground Teleportation Transporter system. She has spent the entire length of the campaign developing technology that will allow us to continue as part of the Commonwealth and it was announced today that the technology is finally ready.

“I was dismayed to see the countries that we liberated from a life of misery, starvation and despair would decide that they wished to leave the warm embrace of the people who allow them to work as servants and cleaners,” she said in a statement. “We gave them tobacco, money, taught them how to dress without those dreadful codpieces that go in their buttocks, and brought them peace and free trade through fear of the British Military engine. Therefore, I have spent the last several months redeveloping the transportation system to create a rift in between worlds in the hope that I could find an alternate dimension where Britain remained as a solidified union. I believe I have found that world.”

The prospect of being able to exist in a land that we recognise that is free from the tyranny of foreign people voting to have us leave their land is a tempting one and it’s highly likely that the Journal will be stepping through back to what we know best.

Anyone else that has an interest in relocating to a different dimension which – as far as preliminary tests have concluded – is exactly the same other than giant Lizards terrifying the inhabitants and a complete lack of the colour brown, should meet at the London BioScience Innovation Centre because it’s near to King’s Cross station. The actual rift device is in a basement in Bethnal Green.

Previous rifts that maintained the Union but that were rejected include a vegetarian society, a world where the buildings were made out of interconnecting blocks of an oil based derivative and a world where dieselpunks thought they were better than steampunks, but we’re trying to leave a world like that in the first place.

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